I Hate Music YT

Description

What's music? Is it something that you do it for yourself, or for others? Is it expressing yourself or is it just creating something that aesthetically pleasing, something that just "sounds good"? Is it about the fun of making cool sounds or is it about the story you want to tell and the feelings you resonate with? Or maybe is it something you do for money or fame, showing off your skills and impressing the audience? Or maybe it's the fun of nerding out the technical details of it? If it's expressing, then is it "you" that is expressing it or is it just nature expressing itself? Perhaps music is all of them, we'll never know the answer. But I believe that the most valuable and beautiful art comes from tormented artists just because they had something to tell, something to prove to the world. All humans are prisoners of human nature, they all yearn for connection, want to be understood, to be recognized and to be loved as who they are. Meanwhile artists crave these needs more intensely than other people because of how they grew up in a way to desperately trying to fill the hole inside them. The tragedy of an artist is to never being able to stop creating art. Sun intrinsically shines, and artist intrinsically creates art. And the art they forcefully create traps them and never brings them any closure or peace. They're very well aware of fact that no one can fully understand anyone and all people can do is to attempt to care and understand, very well aware of how humans, nature and existence work, yet they still crave to be understood and still getting hurt when they are misunderstood by the world. The artists who don't get the attention they deserve continue to scream into the void, meanwhile recognized and loved artists continue to be drained and exploited by the world. Once they're recognized, artist becomes a consumable product. They need to create what audience wants otherwise their success will collapse. They get stuck to their current identity or image, unable to change or move forward. Artist no longer makes the art for themselves and their art no longer belongs to them, it starts belong to the companies and the audience. Slowly forgetting who they are, completely drained, misunderstood and lonely in the crowd, abstain of the love they craved. Art and music has always been a way to communicate and express myself for me even though I know it's all futile. Music is just like life. It's so beautiful, and at the same time it's the root of all the suffering. That's why I hate this force, the need to express myself. This so called "gift" has only made me feel always alienated. I've never felt like I was belong to this world. This creative and self-aware mind only caused problems for me. I was able to help other people although I was never able to help myself. People were glad that I existed even though I've never been glad that I existed. The "self" and the human nature that I'm trapped in; wants to be loved and accepted for who it is, it desires to exist (Yes you've read that right) as a fulfilled self. Meanwhile, what I refer as my "true self" wants to get rid of this "self", of all the desires, of being a human, of existing because it's aware of how much suffering they bring, simply desiring to not exist. I've always hated for who I am but not in a shame sense, but because of the cost of being who I am. Curse of being an artist on top of curse of being a human. I'm not saying that I'm someone special, there are so many other people like me even if we're the minority. I could both expand these aspects, and continue yapping from many other aspects such as the current state of music industry, society against artists, all the beauties of art and why they ultimately not worth it, and the effects of my depression, anhedonia, apathy and burnout on my music... But character limit, bleh. Anyways, this is a really superficial explanation of why I will unwillingly to continue making art and why I ultimately hate music. Thanks for reading, I love you.

"I kind of envy people at times who are blissfully happy, and a lot of those people aren't bothered with the complications of knowledge and everything else that life has to offer. I know people who are simpletons, they're very simple that they can enjoy their lives and be totally happy and secure with just watching sports on televisions and having a beer once in a while. I've always felt too complicated. I'm not saying that I'm smarter than most people, it's just that I'm too sensitive and I wish I could enjoy simple things in life." -Kurt Cobain

Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/76Fy7xyFnHStDCEOAp8wdW?si=7cb9f4279d43440a

Cover art by @relixus1760 & @sarlotanimations
https://www.instagram.com/relixus.holmes/
https://www.instagram.com/sarlot_animations/

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